Say what you mean, mean what you say and Get it done!

Speak up. Communicate. Explain. Advocate.
You are your own best cheerleader and your own best friend. One of the most important things you can do for yourself, is to advocate for what you need or desire.  This holds true in the workplace, where you must sell yourself, advocate for yourself, cover your backside, and "manage UP" to succeed. This holds true at home or in a relationship with your spouse or even your children! Tell the people you love and even those you don't like, how to satisfy your needs or wants. You are willing and able to do it with complete strangers at the credit card company; why not your spouse? Truly no one is a mind reader and your happiness is your own responsibility. 

Now, the above does not mean that you should go full circle and suddenly be completely selfish and self-serving. I think most of us can admit that most women, and especially most mothers, are simply not built that way.  We help others. We feed, clothe, clean, organize, teach, and raise others.  We backburner our own needs and desires to serve those we love. 

But we can be team players and self-promoting at the same time.  In the workplace, present your boss with your problems and your solutions.  For example, I have difficulty at work with one of the other managers.  I could say (to the big boss), "Joe does NOTHING. He makes me do all his work and then takes credit for what I've done and brown-noses his way to the top.  I'm unappreciated and fed up!"
But I need to take a step back and consider what this says about ME as well as him.  The above could result in my sudden recognition and promotion and Joe finally getting fired like he deserves! But more likely, that spiel will label me as a whiner, a trouble maker, a tattle-tale and not a team player.

In contast, I can say.  "I've noticed that certain other people are asking me to do this work for them on a regular basis.  I'm happy to help the team in urgent situations, but this takes away from my ability to handle my responsibilities. We need to teach them what they need to know to do the work themselves in the future.  Can I put together a training program for the entire team so that everyone is better prepared to find this information next time?"

I'm not a guru for all things business related and having 11 years in the working world, I still have much to learn. But in general the above exchange should result in you getting what you WANT and NEED while solving your problem and setting yourself up as a go-getter, problem solver, team builder.  And with luck, your boss will pay closer attention to who's doing what.

This same concept applies in your home.  Your husband or significant other is inconsiderate and does not ____ (Fill in the blank here - make dinner, do dishes, clean up after himself, get you a beer, give the kids baths, get you wine, give the kids attention, get you flowers...).  Marriage and relationships are about compromise.  You need to pick your battles and then you need to strategize about the most appropriate way to communicate your message. You need to know yourself well enough to decide if this is something you need to address or not.  And if it is, then you need to address it. Blowing up at your loved one after 10 years of the same repeated inconsiderate behavior does not do any good.  All that does is make you crazy and make the situation less likely to be solvable. 

Instead, consider addressing the problem after you've had some time to think it through and look at your emotions.  Type an email and re-read it a few times before you send it.  Remove words like "YOU" (or any subsequent cursing! haha) and replace with "I" or "WE".  Try to avoid placing blame or name-calling. Use the workplace "sandwich" approach. Positive, negative, positive.  I LOVE WHEN YOU...  It would be great if you could... I LOVE WHEN YOU...   In this way, it comes off less as blaming or criticism and more as friendly suggestions.

The above approach is best for times when you truly want results or change or simple consideration of your feelings.  There are times when you will just be ANGRY and need to vent to your significant other. When emotions are running high and you are emotional and need to get your anger out, it's best done over the phone rather than in written form.  Over the phone you can name call and place blame and curse.  And it won't be sitting there staring him/her (or you) in the face for all eternity.  But, at the same time, words resonate and what you say will sting and come back to them (sometimes not as nicely as you said it). So know what you mean, mean what you say and most of all get it done! 

It's ok to advocate for yourself. If you're allergic to everything under the sun, you should tell people what food to bring you (or at least a few choices).  You should not assume that they know or will remember exactly what you can or cannot eat.  Stand up and make it happen.  It should cause minor (if any) problems to the other person while making you much happier.  You won't lie around feeling unloved and depressed that no one remembered you; you will now be feeling happy and fulfilled.  :)

If you need that raise at work, go tell your boss all of your accomplishments and why you DESERVE a raise. What you have DONE. Complaining of your low pay isn't getting it done.
If your child is overlooked in school, go talk to the school about how your child can do better and be selected next time.  Sitting back complaining about favoritism isn't getting it done.
If you husband buys you a bunch of lumber for your birthday, talk to him.  Be grateful and thankful! Yet explain that you love how he thought of making your day to day easier and making a cozy fire for you day after day. But lumber is not a dream gift.  He may make a similar misstep next year but at least it will be off your chest and you'll be feeling better.

As with all things, life is flexible. You get out of it, what you put into it.  Stop complaining. Do something.  Stop trying to change the fundamentals of your significant other - let them be who they are.  DO something to ensure they treat you with the same courtesy.  Be your own advocate. You deserve to be happy as much as everyone else.  You still need to care for the ones you love. But they can do their part to care for you too. And that's OK.