I'm having one of those weeks where I question the expectations I have set for myself and the expectations others have for me. I'm wondering why can't I seem to do it all? Why is something always lacking? Why do I need to sleep anyway??
I admit that I sometimes enjoy a historical romance novel. Its pleasant, its normally easy on the emotions and its going to have a happy ending. I admit that I enjoy losing myself in the somewhat trivial entertainment of a love story fraught with dilemmas of love or circumstances or intrigue. At the end of the novels, I frequently spend a few moments thinking how wonderful their lives must have been. How wonderful to just be responsible for a home and my children. How wonderful to have a husband home most of the time and servants to help. How wonderful to have all that time for passion and tea and cakes.
I then wonder why I have no time for tea and cake? Why do I have little energy for passion? Why do I not go visiting and have time to read in a nook in the library? Then again, why don't I have a LIBRARY? :)
The simple answer is real life. I have children who need time and attention. I have a house that constantly needs straightening or sweeping or such. I have a job that requires my time. I have volunteer activities that require time and energy. I have a family to feed, and they want to eat 3 meals and 2+ snacks a day!
Since I am lucky, I have family members to help me clean and care for my children while I am at work. I don't know how I would truly tackle that mountain of laundry without them there to do some during the week! Then again, having my kids in my home all the time makes a bit more dirtiness than if they went somewhere... But I recognize the good fortune to have the extra help.
I view life as a big juggling act. I spend my days juggling work, kids, husband, home, etc and trying to keep all of my "balls" of responsibility in the air. As with all juggling, sometimes things fall down. Sometimes certain items are up highest and other items are near the ground. The juggling act requires total concentration and focus. How am I going to fit everything into my day? When can I mail this? Who will get the dry cleaning / child / groceries / dogs? What's for dinner? What homework do the kids need to do? What's for lunch tomorrow? When or how will I do this work project or that one? On and on it goes.
I'd like to tell you that I have this all figured out. Unfortunately I'm still on my journey of self discovery and organization! So feel free to leave me your tips in the comments. The best I can tell you is I'm not perfect. I do my best and that's good enough. Prioritization is key. What HAS to be done? What can wait?
My other piece of advice is to prioritize time for relaxing and enjoying life. Its not easy! But we need to dedicate some time each day to turning your brain off and being in the moment. We work to LIVE. We don't LIVE TO WORK. We have children and partners and friends to enrich our lives, and make the overall experience a better, happier one. If we're constantly cleaning (like we probably would HAVE to be in order to be "perfect") then we're missing out on the good stuff. We're missing out on playing that game of Candyland or reading that story. We're missing out on laughing with our partner at a movie or show. We're missing out on good books and cuddles and the like. It's not worth it. After all, wasn't it Jesus who told Martha not to chastise her "lazy" sister Mary, as she was spending time hearing his message while Martha was cooking? Of course someone has to cook or it won't get done! But that's a whole other post for another day.
For me, perfection isn't the goal. Decent is the goal, with very occasional perfect moments in there. Once a year for happy kids and husband, clean and organized house, stocked pantry and a beautiful put together me will have to do. Because the other 364 (or this year 365) days I'm going to be enjoying the moment. Cleaning what needs to be cleaned, organized what needs to be organized to keep me sane. And spending the extra moments with my kids and my husband, my parents and my friends and trying to get all I can out of life.
I can learn tricks and time-saving tips and I can improve and grow. I can find systems that work to get my house reasonable and my life organized. I can do what I can until 9pm and then commit to sitting down and relaxing for the rest of the evening. Let's face it, that laundry or bathroom or kitchen sink is going to be there tomorrow and most of the rest of our lives! But our kids are only little once. And every day we and they are getting older. Every day is a day we don't get back! I won't waste it. I will do what has to be done and I will find that good enough.
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Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Being 3 years old is tough
The treacherous threes. The terrifying threes. The TANTRUM threes. Call it what you will, the 3rd year of life can be tricky and tiring for a parent. My younger son is in this stage now. He's having mood swings like a teenager. He's throwing tantrums like a 2 year old. And, he's trying out all kinds of new ways to deliberately cause trouble. Like peeing on the floor when he's mad. Crying and whining when he doesn't get his way. Defiantly doing that thing anyway because he's "big" and he can.
I'd love to tell you that I have a degree in child psychology and I know exactly what's going through my son's head during these times. But sadly, I do not. I'm just a mom who has been through this 2 other times, is in the middle of it now, has one more to go and mostly pays attention. So I can tell you with certainty that this too shall pass.
Right now, the three year old is testing the limits. Seeing how much he or she can play the cute factor to get you to cave on what they want. They are testing to see what kind of behavior is effective in getting what they want. They are continuing to discover that they HAVE wants or needs of their own and that they can speak up and assert themselves. They are finding their own small power and independence in a frustrating world where they have Mom or Dad choosing clothing, meals, bath times, bed times, preschool, toys etc. They are battling their own tendency to want to be babied and special while still being independent. They are finding that adults have stronger expectations of their behavior and new rules and new punishments for not following the rules. All in all, it's a tough year for the three year old too.
The three year old will eventually have a better understanding of how the world (and rules!) work. If you've persisted in being a parent, the three year old will also have learned that actions have consequences. That they do have control over their own lives to some extent (you can choose to eat this dinner, or you can eat nothing... you can get dressed by yourself or mommy will dress you... do you want cereal or toast for breakfast?). The options aren't always acceptable or what that three year old is hoping to get. But they do have options and sometimes a parent is successful in spinning things so that both parties are happy or satisfied. Then again there will be times when the three year old tantrums threaten to drive you to drink... and so you distract the children with something fool proof like play dough, a yummy snack, or even the old reliable television. You give yourself a mommy or daddy time out and hide in the bathroom / garage / your bedroom for a few minutes... sometimes with screams into pillows. And sometimes with tears. And sometimes with absolutely no idea of how you are going to get through this.
There is hope, Parents! Use your mommy or daddy time out to take a few deep breaths (or whatever else works to let out your frustration). Perhaps count to 10 in your head. Perhaps count to 1000. And then head back out into the fray. Do your best to be calm and collected. Do your very best to stay firm as much as you can. Give your child some straight forward choices and allow them some empowerment so that they can save face! Even children like to save face sometimes :) But if they are NOT having a donut for dinner, then they cannot have the donut, period. They have to eat their dinner come crying, screaming, kicking, throwing, stomping, slamming, sudden sweet cute faces or even high water. But watch out for high water - I've had my kitchen flooded before and it's not pretty. Of course, it's a good excuse to have "Kids Mop the Kitchen" day...
And on those really bad days? Remind yourself that this is good practice for when you have teenagers. Only I'm convinced that will be worse! But there is hope for some calm and peaceful moments in between. :) And there's copious amounts of alcohol too.
I'd love to tell you that I have a degree in child psychology and I know exactly what's going through my son's head during these times. But sadly, I do not. I'm just a mom who has been through this 2 other times, is in the middle of it now, has one more to go and mostly pays attention. So I can tell you with certainty that this too shall pass.
Right now, the three year old is testing the limits. Seeing how much he or she can play the cute factor to get you to cave on what they want. They are testing to see what kind of behavior is effective in getting what they want. They are continuing to discover that they HAVE wants or needs of their own and that they can speak up and assert themselves. They are finding their own small power and independence in a frustrating world where they have Mom or Dad choosing clothing, meals, bath times, bed times, preschool, toys etc. They are battling their own tendency to want to be babied and special while still being independent. They are finding that adults have stronger expectations of their behavior and new rules and new punishments for not following the rules. All in all, it's a tough year for the three year old too.
The three year old will eventually have a better understanding of how the world (and rules!) work. If you've persisted in being a parent, the three year old will also have learned that actions have consequences. That they do have control over their own lives to some extent (you can choose to eat this dinner, or you can eat nothing... you can get dressed by yourself or mommy will dress you... do you want cereal or toast for breakfast?). The options aren't always acceptable or what that three year old is hoping to get. But they do have options and sometimes a parent is successful in spinning things so that both parties are happy or satisfied. Then again there will be times when the three year old tantrums threaten to drive you to drink... and so you distract the children with something fool proof like play dough, a yummy snack, or even the old reliable television. You give yourself a mommy or daddy time out and hide in the bathroom / garage / your bedroom for a few minutes... sometimes with screams into pillows. And sometimes with tears. And sometimes with absolutely no idea of how you are going to get through this.
There is hope, Parents! Use your mommy or daddy time out to take a few deep breaths (or whatever else works to let out your frustration). Perhaps count to 10 in your head. Perhaps count to 1000. And then head back out into the fray. Do your best to be calm and collected. Do your very best to stay firm as much as you can. Give your child some straight forward choices and allow them some empowerment so that they can save face! Even children like to save face sometimes :) But if they are NOT having a donut for dinner, then they cannot have the donut, period. They have to eat their dinner come crying, screaming, kicking, throwing, stomping, slamming, sudden sweet cute faces or even high water. But watch out for high water - I've had my kitchen flooded before and it's not pretty. Of course, it's a good excuse to have "Kids Mop the Kitchen" day...
And on those really bad days? Remind yourself that this is good practice for when you have teenagers. Only I'm convinced that will be worse! But there is hope for some calm and peaceful moments in between. :) And there's copious amounts of alcohol too.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Simple Crockpot Roast
I love roast beef. Even better, I love roast beef sandwiches which are so yummy and must faster to prep in the morning. Plus its such and indulgence to have white rolls when all we ever eat is wheat! ;) Either way, the basic recipe is the same:
One round roast or roast of your choice (approx 3-4lbs)
One package Lipton Onion soup mix
2-3 cups of beef broth (can also use water but it's better with the beef broth! :))
Stir together broth and soup mix and pour over the roast in your crockpot. Cook on low 6-8 hours. Slice the roast and serve on your roll of choice with the juice. Yum!
To create more of a traditional meal, add peeled and quartered potatoes, baby or regular carrots in chunks, onion or celery to your taste.
One round roast or roast of your choice (approx 3-4lbs)
One package Lipton Onion soup mix
2-3 cups of beef broth (can also use water but it's better with the beef broth! :))
Stir together broth and soup mix and pour over the roast in your crockpot. Cook on low 6-8 hours. Slice the roast and serve on your roll of choice with the juice. Yum!
To create more of a traditional meal, add peeled and quartered potatoes, baby or regular carrots in chunks, onion or celery to your taste.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
You choose your attitude every single day
Many of us have been raised to expect the fairytale. As women, we grew up with stories of the beautiful princess who finds her prince and lives happily ever after. And we fully expect that we'll end up with our prince, in a huge castle with servants to help us and beautiful, happy children.
The reality is often quite different. Life can be good, bad or ugly. Life is not fair. The good guys do not always win. The prince sometimes never comes, or is a pauper or a frog. The prince sometimes leaves. The job may only be a paycheck. The job may come with a crazy boss or long hours or little appreciation for our efforts.
So what is a woman to do? She has an image in her mind of how her life will be. That image is different for each of us but may include a clean and neat home, well behaved children, and a loving helpful spouse. Maybe she sees herself dressed fashionably with beautiful hair, make-up and body. Some days we will be living that dream. And some days, the dream will dissolve into a house that looks like a bomb went off, sick or cranky children and a spouse who is less than we hoped. And on those days, the mother is likely stressed out, extremely tired, perhaps sick herself, or otherwise less than the vision she had for herself. Some days a woman will wish she could run away and hide, or press a reset button. As a side note, I envision the reset button as something similar to the "sleep button" that would instantly put my children into a deep slumber when they are fighting bedtime at 9pm. In other words, the reset button is just a fantasy. It's not going to happen.
Many people raise the timeless question of whether the glass is half full or half empty. This is to prove the point that your ATTITUDE can determine whether you view something in a positive or negative light. That glass has the same amount of milk - but we decide if it's on its way up or down. Well I'm here to tell you, as much as we might wish or believe otherwise, that glass is going to be empty eventually. And when the glass is empty, we can mope around mourning the loss of our milk and thinking about where we went wrong and how unfair it is that the glass is empty. Or we can treat the empty glass as an opportunity. Now that our glass is empty, we are free to try something new and different. Maybe we try chocolate milk? Or wine? Maybe God has a plan for us and he needed that empty glass to get us to where we are supposed to be.
Someone once told me, you choose your attitude every single day. How true this is. I'm driving to work in the snow and someone ends up bumping into me at a traffic light. I can curse the fates that make me late for work, wet and cold with a messed up bumper. Or I can praise God and be thankful to him for bringing me through the ordeal with nothing more than a messed up bumper.
I stayed home with my children for a year and a half. It was a wonderful, fulfilling experience but we wanted to save more and start a college fund. So I went back to work with a heavy heart. The very FIRST day that I am back to work, my husband loses his job. I can (and did for a while) curse the fates that put us through financial stress and uncertainty and forced us to move many hours from our family for his new job. Or I can praise God for taking us on the journey that we needed to take. Be thankful that I HAD a job with benefits at the very time that my family needed it. Be thankful that the move far from our family also brought our little family closer together. Be thankful that my new job was flexible enough to let me work from a remote location. Be thankful that that little piece of bad luck brought us back to our awareness of the higher being and HIS plans for us. Be thankful that the move also brought us our younger son. :)
Personally, I decide to believe the best. I think I have great luck. I feel grateful and blessed for what I have. However, I was raised as a good Girl Scout. So when I think of the glass half full or half empty question, I like to believe I am a glass half full person, with a contingency plan. I do spend some time thinking of what may go wrong. I have tried to learn from my elders, family, friends and history about the bad things that could happen. I have a vague awareness and plan in my head for how I will react or handle it if these things come to fruition. And then I choose to believe that the best will happen.
Every day I endeavor to choose a positive attitude. Yes, I sometimes have to do repetitive work that is not challenging me in the way I would wish. Yes, I sometimes have to clean up spilt milk or vomit or a really bad diaper and sometimes I need to do these things within 5 minutes of leaving for work! Yes, I sometimes have my car or home need repair. My basement has flooded. My finances have been very ugly at times. Life has handed me many lemons. And sometimes I can make lemonade. And sometimes I just end up sour.
Of course, all of the above "bad luck" does not compare to losing a loved one. Losing a spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, child... these things I cannot explain. There is a higher power at work who I trust is caring for those we have lost. There is a higher power keeping them safe until it's our turn to join them.
Sometimes we cannot help our sadness, depression, anger, frustration, or crankiness. Sometimes we have to sit and wallow in it and let it out. Sometimes we may spend days, weeks or months trying to dig ourselves out. And that's ok. That's necessary and unavoidable. But when you've gone to that dark place, keep the light in your minds eye. Remember that you are taking this journey for a reason. I don't know the reason and frankly sometimes I can't imagine any reason worth the pain.
But, I hope and pray and trust that you will come out of this on the other side with a new appreciation for what's most important in your life. I hope that you will spend time thinking about your bucket list and making it happen. And I hope and pray and trust that you will believe the best, positive, optimistic fate that you can for your life. Because we each have a story that's been written. And they can all be happily ever after. We just need to work toward our goals as best we can, adjust our expectations and spin it positive for ourselves. Life is short. Why spend it miserable? Determine to be happy. Make it happen. It's a new day with new opportunities. It starts now.
The reality is often quite different. Life can be good, bad or ugly. Life is not fair. The good guys do not always win. The prince sometimes never comes, or is a pauper or a frog. The prince sometimes leaves. The job may only be a paycheck. The job may come with a crazy boss or long hours or little appreciation for our efforts.
So what is a woman to do? She has an image in her mind of how her life will be. That image is different for each of us but may include a clean and neat home, well behaved children, and a loving helpful spouse. Maybe she sees herself dressed fashionably with beautiful hair, make-up and body. Some days we will be living that dream. And some days, the dream will dissolve into a house that looks like a bomb went off, sick or cranky children and a spouse who is less than we hoped. And on those days, the mother is likely stressed out, extremely tired, perhaps sick herself, or otherwise less than the vision she had for herself. Some days a woman will wish she could run away and hide, or press a reset button. As a side note, I envision the reset button as something similar to the "sleep button" that would instantly put my children into a deep slumber when they are fighting bedtime at 9pm. In other words, the reset button is just a fantasy. It's not going to happen.
Many people raise the timeless question of whether the glass is half full or half empty. This is to prove the point that your ATTITUDE can determine whether you view something in a positive or negative light. That glass has the same amount of milk - but we decide if it's on its way up or down. Well I'm here to tell you, as much as we might wish or believe otherwise, that glass is going to be empty eventually. And when the glass is empty, we can mope around mourning the loss of our milk and thinking about where we went wrong and how unfair it is that the glass is empty. Or we can treat the empty glass as an opportunity. Now that our glass is empty, we are free to try something new and different. Maybe we try chocolate milk? Or wine? Maybe God has a plan for us and he needed that empty glass to get us to where we are supposed to be.
Someone once told me, you choose your attitude every single day. How true this is. I'm driving to work in the snow and someone ends up bumping into me at a traffic light. I can curse the fates that make me late for work, wet and cold with a messed up bumper. Or I can praise God and be thankful to him for bringing me through the ordeal with nothing more than a messed up bumper.
I stayed home with my children for a year and a half. It was a wonderful, fulfilling experience but we wanted to save more and start a college fund. So I went back to work with a heavy heart. The very FIRST day that I am back to work, my husband loses his job. I can (and did for a while) curse the fates that put us through financial stress and uncertainty and forced us to move many hours from our family for his new job. Or I can praise God for taking us on the journey that we needed to take. Be thankful that I HAD a job with benefits at the very time that my family needed it. Be thankful that the move far from our family also brought our little family closer together. Be thankful that my new job was flexible enough to let me work from a remote location. Be thankful that that little piece of bad luck brought us back to our awareness of the higher being and HIS plans for us. Be thankful that the move also brought us our younger son. :)
Personally, I decide to believe the best. I think I have great luck. I feel grateful and blessed for what I have. However, I was raised as a good Girl Scout. So when I think of the glass half full or half empty question, I like to believe I am a glass half full person, with a contingency plan. I do spend some time thinking of what may go wrong. I have tried to learn from my elders, family, friends and history about the bad things that could happen. I have a vague awareness and plan in my head for how I will react or handle it if these things come to fruition. And then I choose to believe that the best will happen.
Every day I endeavor to choose a positive attitude. Yes, I sometimes have to do repetitive work that is not challenging me in the way I would wish. Yes, I sometimes have to clean up spilt milk or vomit or a really bad diaper and sometimes I need to do these things within 5 minutes of leaving for work! Yes, I sometimes have my car or home need repair. My basement has flooded. My finances have been very ugly at times. Life has handed me many lemons. And sometimes I can make lemonade. And sometimes I just end up sour.
Of course, all of the above "bad luck" does not compare to losing a loved one. Losing a spouse, mother, father, sister, brother, child... these things I cannot explain. There is a higher power at work who I trust is caring for those we have lost. There is a higher power keeping them safe until it's our turn to join them.
Sometimes we cannot help our sadness, depression, anger, frustration, or crankiness. Sometimes we have to sit and wallow in it and let it out. Sometimes we may spend days, weeks or months trying to dig ourselves out. And that's ok. That's necessary and unavoidable. But when you've gone to that dark place, keep the light in your minds eye. Remember that you are taking this journey for a reason. I don't know the reason and frankly sometimes I can't imagine any reason worth the pain.
But, I hope and pray and trust that you will come out of this on the other side with a new appreciation for what's most important in your life. I hope that you will spend time thinking about your bucket list and making it happen. And I hope and pray and trust that you will believe the best, positive, optimistic fate that you can for your life. Because we each have a story that's been written. And they can all be happily ever after. We just need to work toward our goals as best we can, adjust our expectations and spin it positive for ourselves. Life is short. Why spend it miserable? Determine to be happy. Make it happen. It's a new day with new opportunities. It starts now.
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Crockpot Baked Potato Soup
There are days or weeks (or let's face it, months!) where you just need comfort. What better place to find comfort than in a big, cheesy, bacon-y, smooth bowl of baked potato soup? After all, bacon really does make everything better! I love my potato soup smooth and creamy so I used my brand new immersion blender to finish it off. In case you are not aware, the immersion blender ROCKS! I would trade my husband's golf clubs for it in a heartbeat! (Ok, he would not agree, but that's my commitment level). If you don't have an immersion blender now is the time to invest. It's only about $30-35 and so much nicer than trying to move hot soup into a traditional blender or food processor. Ok now the info-mercial is over and on to the recipe...
Crock Pot Loaded Baked Potato Soup
http://www.food.com/recipe/crock-pot-style-loaded-baked-potato-soup-301754
Ingredients:
6 large baking potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch pieces
1 large onion peeled and chopped
1 quart of chicken broth
3 cloves of garlic minced or pressed
1/2 cup of butter
2 1/2 tsp salt (or to taste)
1 tsp black pepper
1 cup cream or half and half
1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
3 tbsp chopped fresh chives
Toppings:
8 sliced of bacon cooked and crumbled
sour cream (optional)
sharp cheese for sprinkling
Combine the first set of ingredients (up to cream) in your slow cooker and cook on high for 4 hours or on low for 8 hours. Mash the mixture (or use your immersion blender!) until it is to your desired consistency. Add the cream, cheese and chives and stir to combine. If using the immersion blender, now is a good time to give it another blend just for fun :)
Serve with extra cheese, bacon crumbles and sour cream if desired. Enjoy!
Crock Pot Loaded Baked Potato Soup
http://www.food.com/recipe/crock-pot-style-loaded-baked-potato-soup-301754
Ingredients:
6 large baking potatoes, peeled and chopped into 1/2 inch pieces
1 large onion peeled and chopped
1 quart of chicken broth
3 cloves of garlic minced or pressed
1/2 cup of butter
2 1/2 tsp salt (or to taste)
1 tsp black pepper
1 cup cream or half and half
1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
3 tbsp chopped fresh chives
Toppings:
8 sliced of bacon cooked and crumbled
sour cream (optional)
sharp cheese for sprinkling
Combine the first set of ingredients (up to cream) in your slow cooker and cook on high for 4 hours or on low for 8 hours. Mash the mixture (or use your immersion blender!) until it is to your desired consistency. Add the cream, cheese and chives and stir to combine. If using the immersion blender, now is a good time to give it another blend just for fun :)
Serve with extra cheese, bacon crumbles and sour cream if desired. Enjoy!
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