Being 3 years old is tough

The treacherous threes. The terrifying threes. The TANTRUM threes. Call it what you will, the 3rd year of life can be tricky and tiring for a parent.  My younger son is in this stage now.  He's having mood swings like a teenager.  He's throwing tantrums like a 2 year old.  And, he's trying out all kinds of new ways to deliberately cause trouble.  Like peeing on the floor when he's mad.  Crying and whining when he doesn't get his way. Defiantly doing that thing anyway because he's "big" and he can.

I'd love to tell you that I have a degree in child psychology and I know exactly what's going through my son's head during these times.  But sadly, I do not.  I'm just a mom who has been through this 2 other times, is in the middle of it now, has one more to go and mostly pays attention.  So I can tell you with certainty that this too shall pass.

Right now, the three year old is testing the limits.  Seeing how much he or she can play the cute factor to get you to cave on what they want.  They are testing to see what kind of behavior is effective in getting what they want.  They are continuing to discover that they HAVE wants or needs of their own and that they can speak up and assert themselves.  They are finding their own small power and independence in a frustrating world where they have Mom or Dad choosing clothing, meals, bath times, bed times, preschool, toys etc.  They are battling their own tendency to want to be babied and special while still being independent.  They are finding that adults have stronger expectations of their behavior and new rules and new punishments for not following the rules.  All in all, it's a tough year for the three year old too.

The three year old will eventually have a better understanding of how the world (and rules!) work.  If you've persisted in being a parent, the three year old will also have learned that actions have consequences.  That they do have control over their own lives to some extent (you can choose to eat this dinner, or you can eat nothing... you can get dressed by yourself or mommy will dress you... do you want cereal or toast for breakfast?).  The options aren't always acceptable or what that three year old is hoping to get.  But they do have options and sometimes a parent is successful in spinning things so that both parties are happy or satisfied.  Then again there will be times when the three year old tantrums threaten to drive you to drink... and so you distract the children with something fool proof like play dough, a yummy snack, or even the old reliable television.  You give yourself a mommy or daddy time out and hide in the bathroom / garage / your bedroom for a  few minutes... sometimes with screams into pillows. And sometimes with tears.  And sometimes with absolutely no idea of how you are going to get through this.

There is hope, Parents!  Use your mommy or daddy time out to take a few deep breaths (or whatever else works to let out your frustration).  Perhaps count to 10 in your head.  Perhaps count to 1000.  And then head back out into the fray.  Do your best to be calm and collected.  Do your very best to stay firm as much as you can.  Give your child some straight forward choices and allow them some empowerment so that they can save face! Even children like to save face sometimes :)   But if they are NOT having a donut for dinner, then they cannot have the donut, period.  They have to eat their dinner come crying, screaming, kicking, throwing, stomping, slamming, sudden sweet cute faces or even high water.  But watch out for high water - I've had my kitchen flooded before and it's not pretty.  Of course, it's a good excuse to have "Kids Mop the Kitchen" day...

And on those really bad days? Remind yourself that this is good practice for when you have teenagers.  Only I'm convinced that will be worse! But there is hope for some calm and peaceful moments in between. :)  And there's copious amounts of alcohol too.